Self Management
I Hate My Roommate Part II
Different types
by Nostagio Onesti
In Part I of this two-part article, we introduced the fundamentals of dealing with a new roommate. One thing to understand is that there are different types of roommates, and each has to be dealt with accordingly. We have set up categories to better illustrate this point; most of you who have ever had roommates in college, prep school, in a city apartment,- even a brother or sister will identify with one of the following categories:
FREAK- This is a very sensitive category in that if you are involved with a freak, you'll have your work cutout for you. A freak is one who is involved in acts that are unnatural and lead others to believe that at any given moment, without warning, said freak will induce a potentially harmful or HIGHLY uncomfortable situation.
When your roommate is a freak, first thing is to be careful. Don't be afraid, because freaks aren't usually slasher-types (only sometimes). Freaks are just highly misunderstood people with good intentions. Just make sure not to get too far on their bad side and you would have already accomplished half of the work needed to neutralize the situation. Be nice and try to get to know them a little. Ask them to go to lunch one day, anything that'll encourage conversation. Once that happens, pay attention to what he/her has to say. Don't be weirded out or indifferent, just be polite and act interested in his interests- but not TOO interested. Be sure to explain what YOU find interesting also, such as jazz, ballet, football- be clear, be respectful. If you're not careful you could either get on a freak's bad side or give the freak the impression that you actually want to be there when she prays to Apollo. After that, just respect their space, and remember to always know where to go in case of an emergency (you know, in case he starts to levitate or something).
BOTHER BODY: This is the annoying roommate. Talks too damn much. Nosy. Throws computer parts everywhere. Uses your stuff. INSISTS you look at this new web hosting site, or eats as if raised on a farm. This type of roommate isn't that bad, but it will take a certain degree of cool-headedness on your part. You have to be not only patient and calm but also assertive. Let him know that its not that you don't like them, but that there need to be some ground rules if you are to keep from kicking his a**. Again, be clear. You have to communicate that you're none too happy about sleeping next to a major nuisance.
STIFLER: Named in honor of the notorius American Pie character, this is the roommate who thinks partying is a profession- a way of life if you will. There is no saying "no" to booze, throwing up before a hangover is a habit, the louder the music the better the party, and they're can never be too much "poontang." If this sounds like your roomie, congratulations- you have a Stifler!
Now, if a stifler is a problem, it must be that you yourself aren't a stifler. This is so because Stiflers, unlike Bother Bodies and Freaks, always get along with other Stiflers. In fact, they travel in packs, which is even more bad news if that type of lifestyle isn't for you. But don't despair, they too can be dealt with (if you are a stifler try to help out your college or apartment roommate by reversing the following advice).
First, make sure they know your schedule. Tell them they can play loud music, get drunk with friends, all when you're out to class or when you're not sleeping. You're gonna have to set a time, and it will suck that you have to stick to it, but if you do they will almost certainly oblige. If they can't go somewhere else, ask that they respect your time during the week, and they can have Saturday nights all to themselves. Make it a point to spend (and enjoy) time with them (yes, PARTY with them) every so often, they'll respect your wishes more if you do, and its good for you- you might even like it. You're going to have to compromise, but it will be worth it.
COOLIE: Finally, if you have a Coolie for a roomie, you've been blessed. These are cool people that give you minimum problems and that you can even hangout with. They might become a good friend, and you won't ever believe your luck.
The goal here is to make all roomies Coolies. You will need to compromise, open your mind, and be assertive... but do all three and you will save yourself a TON of pain the rest of the time. Somewhere inside him/her is a cool person, and don't worry, its not like they are TRYING to get on your last nerve; that would be a bad thing. Remember, the longer one waits to practice this, the harder it will be to overcome the troubles that come with having a roommate from hell. So, take a deep breath, relax, and go, right now, to your roommate and say, "hey, got a sec?"
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